¿Has cumplido mucho?: An American's 21st Birthday Reflection

As I promised, here is another blog post.

My birthday was Tuesday. I turned the big 2-1. It was a very different experience turning such an important age in America in a country that did not recognize it was being that important. Drinking is legal here at the age of 18 (as is smoking and driving, in case you were curious) and I have had my fair share of wine and beer while I have been here, so I did not feel like doing anything too crazy on my birthday.

After showering and eating breakfast, I was about ready to go off to school when Rufi yelled for me. I asked what she wanted, she took my face in her hands and she tugged very gently on my ear lobes. She gave me a big kiss on each cheek, we shared a hug, and then she gave me what I imagine would be a traditional Spanish saying on birthdays: “Que cupmlas mucho.” Firstly, I would like to apologize to all of those who were waiting for the 21 tugs on my ears for each year of life I have celebrated. Instead, I got a some kisses, a sincere and warm hug, and a dicho (the Spanish dicho sounds much better than 'saying' to me right now for some reason). I would like to take some time to comment on that saying and compare it to what we typically say in the U.S. Typically in the U.S. when someone celebrates a birthday, we typically just say “Happy Birthday” or something. Sometimes there might be some story swapping, depending on how your family works. For example, every year on my birthday my mom tells me where she was that many years ago and relates to me my birth story. My grandma usually reminisces on things that have happened in my life, telling me the stories that she remembers the most. These stories, while I have heard them so many times in my life, are a staple. They come out at least once per year, and I await them every single birthday. But this expression that Rufi shared with me has an interesting translation. It, literally, means “That you accomplish/fulfill much.” However, the expression for “Happy Birthday” in Spanish is “Feliz Cumpleaños,” with the second word being a compund of cumple (from the same verb used in this expression by Rufi) and años (meaning years). So the “Happy Birthday” expression means something like “Happy Completion of Another Year.” However, the verb cumplir and the various forms that it may take (cumple, cumplas, etc.) is used fairly frequently in everyday parlance. You can cumplir an objective, a task, or a book. So it is a fairly common verb, but has a beautiful simplicity and profound sense about it. So when Rufi told me to cumplir mucho, she was effectively telling me to make the most of the day, to do a lot of stuff, that you complete or fulfill a lot of my dreams, desires, or whims. With that simple expression, she has told me so much and she seemed to wish it so sincerely too. I have found that there are much more beautiful ways of saying things in Spanish than there are in English, but that would be for a different blog post.

So I was off to class, to one of my favorite and most interesting classes: Modern Spanish History. After that, I went to the meeting place that Sara and I had determined the previous week and I noticed that she had a few friends there with her, other students in her English class that were interested in practicing their English skills with me. I told Sara that this is not a problem whatsoever. I got to where they were waiting for me, and Sara immediately broke out into singing (in English!) and wished me a happy birthday. We entered the building and ordered some coffee and tapas, and then her friend (I consider them to be my friends as well) Edith and her husband Jorge showed up (I think I have mentioned them before). I was totally surprised and thought it was a coincidence that they just happened to be in the same building as us at the same time. But then I remembered that this building we were in has never been a really hopping, busy place, so then I think Sara had planned this whole thing out. So we were all sitting there and then Edith made me a cake! Yeah! It was a Brazilian cake made with carrots and chocolate frosting on top. 

The put a candle on top of it, and I blew out the candle before they could sing to me. They commented on how it was not fair that I did that while I tried to clear the air of the smoke with my hand. In so doing, the candle ignited again. Everyone was happy, started singing to me, and the process repeated until finally I put it out with my hands and some spit. We cut up the cake and everyone had a piece. It was really good, especially with coffee (and later with some wine at lunch).

As I was sitting there, I thought about how great my “family” is here in Salamanca. They are not my real family in the States, but they have truly accepted me as one of them, they consider me to be one of their friends. I thought about how awesome it was that I would be able to make such great friends so quickly. I think I am truly blessed to have so many great connections here in Spain. They have tried really hard to incorporate me into their way of life, into everything they do, virtually taking me under their wing (so to speak) and making sure I enjoy my time here in Spain. These friends of mine, along with Rufi's wishes for me, made for a really great day. PLUS, after my last morning class, I went to the ISA office to get some cards that had arrived for me from my true family back in the States. There was so much love thus far in my day and there was more to come.

After lunch and siesta, I began to work on my homework that was due the next day for my geography class. It was describing the geological evolution of Spain and extrapolating about what possible effects the geological composition of Spain might have on the humans that inhabit the peninsula...all in Spanish, and without foreknowledge about the professor's grading style, the abilities of the other students, and without much guidance or sources for help. My family and Skype took me mind off of this project throughout the afternoon, as I received calls from my Grannie and Papa and sister, my aunt/godmother, my girlfriend, and my mom. I was able to finish the project before my mom called me, and I went to bed at a decent hour, content with my day. There was no partying until I fell down, there was no drunken debauchery, no shenanigans, just a lot of life, love, friends, and family. Which made me think about my life...

I want to reflect a little bit here about my life thus far. I have experienced twenty-one years of it, and it has been one helluva ride.

First of all, what have I accomplished? I think I have accomplished a lot, in many aspects of my life. I have managed to get good grades for my entire academic career, I graduated high school, have finished almost three years of college, and will finish college in one year. I have managed to make some good friends and to further cultivate those relationships and the relationships with my family members. I have changed the way I think a lot. I have managed to be able to go into virtually any social situation and make conversation with ease. I have worked my butt off to get where I am right now, getting jobs, keeping them, and then returning to them later with open arms. I think I have been fairly successful thus far in my life.

Do I have any regrets? Would I have done anything differently? I think these are two very interesting questions. I have some pretty strong opinions about these questions and while I do not like to talk to people about this, many others are eager to jump to these questions. I think the concept of regretting doing something you have done is much more complicated if you really think about it and reflect on it a little bit more deeply. Sometimes I think about the things that I have done and whether I should have done them differently. I frequently think that I should have been more involved in high school, I should have played baseball just a few years longer, I should have gotten involved in something and stuck to it. I wish I had learned how to be more musical, like playing the piano or guitar. Sometimes I think about whether it was right for me to transfer schools. I had met a lot of cool people at Drake and it would have been just a fine place to study, but instead I followed my heart and moved to Luther for many reasons, but perhaps the most obvious being the girlfriend I had at the time. Some looked down on this decision based on a person. There were obviously other reasons, but some think that this was the only one. When I think about the transfer from Drake to Luther, I wonder how my life would have been different had I stayed at Drake. Where would my friend Greg and I be at in our friendship if I had stayed? Would be be closer? Would we no longer be friends? What about a girlfriend? Would I have meet more people to be friends with? There are a lot of questions and possibilities, too many to count here. At the same time, however, think about the other side of this decision. Had I not moved to Luther, I would have never met all the great people I did there, I would not be here in Spain perfecting my Spanish, I would have taken a totally different academic life. Everything would have been different. For this reason, I think that while you can sit and ponder how things might be different had you done something differently, but it is ultimately a useless activity because it would require taking into account so many factors that it would be truly difficult to accurately describe how your life would be. We idealize the alternative, not realizing that it is just as flawed and difficult as the reality. I have thought about this a lot. Just take a moment to think about all of the factors that have affected a recent decision. This is to say that if one thing were different, one second of your life, one minute detail, your whole life could be different. While that different reality would be seriously distinct from your current one, who really knows if it would be better or worse. If you do not believe me, just watch the movie The Butterfly Effect, and you might understand better how delicate our lives truly are. So to conclude really quickly, I can say that I wish I had done some things differently, I think that ultimately I have to live in the present, with all of those decisions being made already. I love my life as it is in this moment and cannot say that there is something I would change in my past.

What would I like to do in the future? Thinking to the future is sort of scary. I think I have talked with some of you about this, but I am going to be a real adult in about a year. I am going to have my own bills to pay, my own decisions to make, my own meals to prepare, everything is going to be different. It is going to be a big transition from college to the real world, because the former is just so fake and provided for you that it is hard to think that my future is not going to always be like it currently is. I have a lot of dreams and plans for the future, because I think it is healthy to have some objectives with your life. I would like to participate in these self-reflection writing exercises more often, taking some time to think about my life and assess what I am doing and what I should be doing differently. I would like to get into teaching, whether that be in a secondary or post-secondary situation. I am not sure what I would like to teach (history or Spanish), but I think I would like to impart knowledge to another generation of human beings because that seems to be a very altruistically rewarding enterprise. I would like to continue being successful with my life. I would like to come back to Spain some time to see the friends I have made here. I would like to travel throughout the rest of the world. While I have been abroad, I have also realized the importance of reading, writing, and just enjoying life, taking a time-out from the rest of the world and just enjoying the life that you are living in, the world that you inhabit. I try to do this in the States, but I realized just how important it is now that I am here in Spain, a culture that appreciates the slow pace of life much more. But most of all, and I think most importantly, I would like to be surrounded by people I love and that love me in return. This has been going well so far, as my family has always been there for me, providing support in everything I do, wishing me well. I want to be able to distinguish between those whom I truly love and love me in return and those whom I love but do not love me in return and do something differently. I want to create, keep, and maintain good, loving relationships with as many individuals as I can, because that is what is going to make this life the best. I know this is super corny, cliché and whatnot, but it is truly something I aspire to have in my life. There are a lot of superfluous people in my life right now, being there either because I want them to be there even though they do not, or because I want to keep them there because they would be a useful resource in the future. I do not want to be keeping people around so that I can “one-up” someone in a conversation or so I can say that I have one of those, because then people just become things, trophies, measures of achievement. I want to have people in my life that I truly desire to have in my life, people that are great individuals not for the things they have or what they have done, but because they are genuinely fantastic individuals. I think that this is definitely a life-long process of learning, but I think that it is something that I have learned while I have been abroad. While you are abroad, out of sight, you tend to escape the minds of a lot of people as well. But if you are out of sight, but still in the mind of another person, that is the person with whom you should develop a better relationship. I know I am guilty of not keeping in contact with a lot of friends while I am abroad, and so I have to work on this as well, but I realized that this is something really important in a friendship.

I realize this is an insanely long post, and I appreciate those who have read this. I hope that it has made you think, challenged some of your current habits and attitudes, and that you grow in some way from this post. I also hope that you take a break from the computer screen because your eyes must be tired and need a break, because I know mine do. Before I go, I would like to thank all of my family members. You are probably the most important thing in my entire life. I could be stripped of everything material that I have, but I know that you would be there for me. You might not be there for me for forever, so I must, as the Spanish say, aprovechar (take advantage of) your time here with me when I can. The same goes to all of my friends. Thank you for blessing my life with your presence, thank you for being there for me through thick and thin, thank you for loving me and letting me love you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And I love you all.